Nothing in this world is going to discourage what I stand and believe in

A quarter century old already, and yet my stupid parents are still discouraging. I remember that in my teen years, I always get an earful for not studying hard enough, not getting enough good results and being complacent. At that time, I do not have that competitive spirit that I did now for I thought I was still young and therefore, took life easy. I am a sheltered child ( part of my parents faulth ), and did not like to participate in any sports or activities in school. The only thing I liked is eating , watching MTV, Channel V and picking on my pimples which eventually lead to some ugly, minor scarring on my face. Worse, I was also insecure during my growing up years due to constant humiliation from my mother(especially ) , nasty( unsupporting ) good for nothing relatives and also stupid jerks whom you thought whom were your friends. The only good thing growing up was my natural habit of reading quality story books and novels for I am a naturally born ,voracious reader. This has been the most contribution to my sound, excellent and flawless both written and verbally in the command of the English language.
At age 13, what I wanted to do liked most teen girls of my age was to hang out with my friends and have fun. It is also a natural thing for girls of these age with raging hormones to go boy crazy. I would say that no normal and sound minded teen have never behaved that way. If not, something must be very wrong. But what I feel is innocent, adolescent puppy love which is harmless. Everyday, in tuition classes me and my so-called friends would eye and comment on the resident cute guy and giggle liked nobody's business.
My own mother whom probably do not understand that this is all part of grwoing up and a phrase in life would often yell at me and humiliate me till I burst into tears everytime. There would always be a huge shouting match between us that ultimately resulted in my hidden depression and insecurity building up. But puppy love and crushes as it is, as time passed by I do not feel much of such a thing anymore. With age, maturity and experiences in life, my focus is on the important responsibilities that I have in life such as getting good grades in uni and making lots of money in my stable and financially independent, secure career. No longer do I feel the innocent and doe- eyed boy- crazy love that I felt when I was in my early teens. As constantly put down by my own stupid mother, the years went by this young and innocent phrase is over in a blink of an eye.
In some of my tuition classes, there are girls whom are wealthy and whom thought that they are in the power clique or crowd. These girls are stuck up, snobby , elitist and only care about those whom they think are within their clique or as rich and wealthy as them. Me, even though I am proud of my strong, sound and excellent command of the English language secretly admired these girls for I think that they are slimmer than me, better looking than me, wealthier than me...etc. I also admire their lifestyle where they can hang out with their friends at the mall and have a huge spending of pocket money where they can buy whatever that catches their eye.
As for me, I come from an average family whom my mum loved me in the wrong way. All I wanted to do is to become popularAs to why I only became independent at a later age, is also part of her faulth. The constant humiliating all these years have indirectly taken a toll on my selfesteem. She humiliates me everywhere. And, I wasn't a bad kid to begin with. Just a little complacent, slightly lazy and fat. She puts me down while I am hanging at the mall which I would have bumped into someomne that I knew, she puts me down in front of my friends, my teachers, strangers and busybody good for nothing loser realtives which I absolutely detest.
Now, at the age of 25 she still puts me down and humiliates me infront of random idiotic strangers even though I am a full grown adult. She never changes. And liked a long time ago, she never cares about my feeling and never ever given a thought to how I feel and think. I feel that she is venting her anger on me over the so-called misery that she suffered as a child. Honestly, if you feel you have been violated , mistreated and abused since you are a baby and over the many years, why are you still doing stuff for all those useless, good for nothing idiots??? Why are you still cooking and slaving yourself for them even thought they are all more than, way over adults and have wifes and families of their own. Even their children which is not part of your responsibility, you cook and take care of them??? What about their own wives??? They do nothing. You complained about your life and so-called fate that you are stuck in, but yet you continued this unfortunate destiny while you could have use those years to carve a career for you and make lots of money so that your two children could have the best of life and never be looked down by others. Liked always, I am disgustingly humiliated. Especially today in the Nike shoe shop.
Sometimes, I wonder what would I been if during those many years way bakclong ago, someone would come and talk to me in nice, gentle, soothing words and not constant harsh, humiliation and put down??? Someone whom is genuinely sincere and keeps on giving persistent encouragement and kind words to me??? Would my insecurity problem develop, would I be strange, weird liked some ppl say or would I be constantly surrounded in paranoia and having constant rage of monsters speaking ill of me and creating falsehood and malicious lies behind my back. Would I cry myself to sleep everynight and having to deal with bullies and cowards everywhere??? Even crying myself while I am in the midst of an unwanted terrible nightmare of evil and lowlifes bullies attacking and using all sorts of cowardly ways jsut to make me cry and get into me.